Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Marry a girl who sets you free

The annual function celebration was in the full swing. The performers had kept the audience spellbound with their swashbuckling performances and the audience was begging for more with the shrieks of “Once more, once more”. 

A part of the “Mr and Miss Fresher”, the most handsome, beautiful and talented newcomers in the college, was a final round of aptitude test. The master of ceremony had a range of questions and the only one that I remember was, “Complete the one liner – If love is blind, marriage is…..”.

The would-be Mr Fresher had the apt reply, “An eye-opener”. And the stage burst into laughter, followed by ear-piercing whistles and cheering of the crowd. I dreaded marriage and the answer terrified me more than ever. 

Now don’t tell me you don’t dread marriage. There comes a point in your life when you have pressure surmounting from every nook and cranny – family, friends, relatives and of course, your colleagues at work. It’s really a tough task to decide marrying a girl with whom you promise to spend the rest of your life through all thick and thin.

I postponed marriage till the time I could bear the pressure from my family, peers and relatives. But later came to know that it wasn’t a good idea at all. Marriage is not an obligation to be afraid of and run away from. It’s a journey of togetherness, complementarities and compromises.

Here’s my experience – for the wannabe husbands.

Marry a girl who lets you do what you like the most. As the saying goes, “Do what your heart tells”, if your better half stops you from doing what you love, you end up being nobody and getting nowhere. One of my friends is a celebrity artist who has a passion for painting nudes. Luckily, the lady he has married is supportive and he paints his passion – in his studio – with the young models posing in nude. With her never-ending support, he has carved a niche among the budding artists.     

Marry a girl who doesn’t tie a GPS collar around your neck. I see guys changing from the day they tie the knot. If they are even an hour late to return home, their cellphones start ringing relentlessly. And it’s from their sweet wives! They can’t even enjoy a cup of coffee with their old buddies. They rush to homes as if they will kill a tiger for the dinner. Those who have cute little kids at home – it’s their small ones ringing and asking “Dad, when will you be home?” – with the mothers signaling to stick to “not late than an hour” in the background.

Marry a girl who holds your hand when you are feeling down. When men’s morale is low, they don’t need a shoulder to cry on but one to hold their hands and instill inspiration to walk ahead. I have seen women who are emotionally stronger than men and they don’t get disheartened even in the gloomiest situation. Your would-be life-partner should be there, at least, to keep you poking every second to overcome the sadness and leap out of the gloom. 

Marry a girl who compromises with your lifestyle. I was always worried about my career, status and earnings. So I postponed my marriage till I had all of them. And I was 30 years of age with strands of silver in my once jet-black hair, six-packs turned into a protruding belly and crow’s feet visible around outer corner of my eyes when I got married. However, I still didn’t have a car when I married. But the girl I married, sweet and beautiful, adapted herself to my lifestyle. We would travel in public vehicles and she never complained. Now I regret – why I postponed the marriage. I should have married earlier.           

Marry a girl who sets you free. I still remember the lines, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it does not come back, it was never meant to be”. It’s a matter of trust.  Trust is the cord that keeps both of you tied to each other. She will set you free if she really loves you. And you will never feel like you have shackles around your feet, which is the real situation for many of the husbands.  You will be free to move around, mingle with your friends and chase your passion.

Coming back to myself, marriage has really been an “eye-opener”, as the Mr Fresher had replied during the annual function of my college. It has opened up all the blind alleys in my life. And I now no more dread “marriage”. But the credit goes to my wife – she let me lead my life in my own terms from the day we married.   

So my piece of advice to all bachelors out there – Marry in time and marry a girl who sets you free

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